Justice Abused

Justice Abused

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A personal note to my readers

There comes a moment in a protective mothers life, when she realizes her children are no longer hers. This moment is something that will forever scar both children and mother. As mothers we are born with the knowledge that keeping these children safe and nurtured is simply,the act of a mother. For us we have been in the biggest fights of our lives. The fight to save our children from abuse, perpetrated by controlling, abusive, manipulative men. This is not a propoganda ploy of man hating women, this is a fight to show the world that this is real, children, women, sisters,mothers,daughters,sons,brothers,men are being killed, abused,assaulted and torn from the very Mother's and Women put there to nuture and protect them. Please take a look, Educate yourself with facts, and help us stop the horror of not being heard or believed. And moreover keep our children and our selves safe. The only way to do this is to expose the truth of Judicial Misconduct in the Family Court System. The abuse of power perpetrated by our very own Federal and State Governments.Listen, please readers,I acknowledge that this happens to men as well, understand this. I have witnessed with my own eyes the sad, hurtful,destructive things that have been slung at men. I know beyond this that we must come to some mutual understanding! Educate yourselves, then make the decision. I enjoy hearing from you.















































Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Domestic Violence by Proxy vs. Parental Alienation Syndrome


From the time that Richard A. Gardner came out with his theory detailing Parental Alienation Syndrome, there has been a great deal of controversy over whether it was real or not. Parental Alienation Syndrome occurs when one parent pulls the children in as allies against the other parent. It may involve false allegations of abuse but is often abused as a defense where real abuse has occurred. When it is used as a defense in a case where real abuse has occurred, the children are the ones who suffer. They lose touch with a parent who was trying to protect them, and become pawns in the ongoing abuse of their other parent. This is when it becomes Domestic Violence by Proxy. The children are often forced into the position of becoming abusive themselves, although they probably do not see their own actions as being abusive. Most often, the mother is the one in this unfortunate position. She may feel trapped into taking the abuse because she loves her children and doesn't want to lose them. Her abuser, who is drunk on control, has found yet another way to control her by using the children. He thus continues his onslaught of abuse, making it domestic violence by proxy. The mother may have any number of reasons for having lost custody of her children. She may have given them up to him voluntarily, hoping that if she did, they would have a better life since he was more abusive to her than to the children. She may have been intimidated into giving up because he seemed to always win every battle, even when she knew she was right. She may not have had the strength and fortitude to carry on in what seemed to be a never-ending battle. He may have won in front of the judge because he seemed more in control of the situation.

The abuser may seem very charming to the children. All of a sudden, the children who were starved for attention by their father previously, have become the apple of his eye. He may tell the children that their mother never wanted them, while he was excited at the prospect of having children, when often, the exact opposite is true. He may shower them with expensive gifts that their mother cannot afford, and compare her gifts to his, finding hers lacking. He may prevent, or make it very difficult for the mother to see her children, then tell the children if she really loved them, she would be there. All of these things and more he uses to create the illusion that she does not love her children. If she spends any time with her children at all, he will often stalk her during the time that she is with them. He tells the children that this is "for their protection." They have no choice to believe him, although prior to the divorce they had no reason to ever be frightened when they were alone with their mother. Any information that the children bring back from their mother's home is twisted in such a way that it can be used against her in attempts to get her in trouble with the law. This makes it dangerous for the children to be in her home, although she desperately wants to welcome them with open arms. The biggest problem with domestic violence by proxy is that the courts all too often fail to recognize it or do anything about it. In fact, for all the lip service that we hear about helping victims of domestic violence in any form, there is very little done about it at all. Domestic violence is a huge problem that way too many people turn a blind eye to. It's time to do something about it. Learn the signs, especially if you are in any kind of a position of power. If you are a judge, a lawyer, police, or anyone who can start the seeds of change, do so. Even if you are just the average layperson, report it when you see it. Don't let your neighbors get away with it.  If I can change the world in one way, it will be that no person will ever lose their children to domestic violence again. This is the most painful loss as the children are still there, but unable to be a part of a loving mother's life. The men that perpetrate this need to be held accountable for their actions.

4 comments:

Elaine Doxie said...

As the writer of this particular article, I am flattered that you found it valuable enough to place on your blog. However, I would appreciate it if in the future, you would please ask my permission prior to posting any of my articles, or at least please post them with my byline and a link to the original article on either Helium or Associated Content. Thank you.

I do strongly believe in this cause, as I have lost my four children to the man who abused me emotionally, and drained my finances so that I had nothing left to fight with, and I wound up having to give up custody of my children because of it. I regret my decision, even though I know I had no choice because I was one step away from being homeless when I gave up custody.

Keep fighting, just don't forget to point out the rest of us that are fighting as well. Thank you, Elaine Doxie

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Anonymous said...

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Elaine Doxie said...

Thank you so much for the compliments.

I have even more articles on Helium.com as well if you would like to read those.

Children Learn What They Live

Children Learn What They Live