Maternal Alienation Syndrome or Maternal (Deprivation) Syndrome

                                            Maternal Alienation Syndrome

Maternal Alienation Syndrome (MAS) is a pattern of thoughts and behavior that can develop in a child where the custodial parent causes the child, through manipulation and access blocking, to unjustifiably fear and/or hate the other parent. MAS is more than brainwashing, in that the child comes to actively participate in the degradation of the mother, coming up with original (often ludicrous) reasons to fear/hate her. Domestic violence (DV) restraining orders are a perfect weapon for an alienating parent. Typically, in addition to removing a mother from the home, a DV restraining order also "temporarily" bars the mother from seeing her children, and "temporarily" gives the accusing parent exclusive physical custody. And temporary, in the Family Court, has a funny way of becoming permanent. Obtaining a restraining order based on a false allegation of domestic violence gets the mother out of the picture. A mother who can't see her kids, for example, is unable to rebut the lie "Mommy doesn't love you anymore. That's why she left you." Nor can she rebut the alternate lie, "Mommy is dangerous. The wise judge said so. That's why she can't see you." Often, if an accused mother is allowed to see her children, it is in a supervised visitation center. "The demeaning of the 'visiting' mother is readily visible from the minute that she enters the 'secured facility' with armed guards, officious case workers with their clipboards and arrogant, domineering managers.... The child's impression is that all of these authority figures see Mommy as a serious and dangerous threat. The only time a child sees this type of security is during the visits." Not only does visitation in a visitation center send the clear message to the child that the "visiting"mother is a bad person, if children decline to see their mother under such a setting, they are generally not forced to do so. More perversely, if a child is encouraged by the custodial parent to refuse to see the mother, there will be no significant repercussion to the targeting parent, and, generally, the child will not be forced to see the mother. The more time a child spends away from the mother, the worse the alienation will become. As psychologist Jenna A. Maxwell remarked "the old adage that time heals all wounds, such is not the case with MAS, where the passage of time worsens rather than heals the affliction. This is not to say that time is unimportant: on the contrary, time remains a vital variable for all the players. To heal the relationship, the child requires quality time with the mother to continue and repair the meaningful association that existed since birth. This continued communication also serves as a reality check for the child to counter the effects of ongoing alienation at home. Likewise, the mother needs time with the child to ensure that contact is not completely lost and to prevent the alienation from completely destroying what may be left of a normal, loving relationship.... The alienating parent, on the other hand, requires time to complete the brainwashing of the child without interference.

The manipulation of time becomes the prime weapon in the hands of the alienator who uses it to structure, occupy, and usurp the child's time to prevent 'contaminating' contact with the mother, depriving both of their right to spend time together and furthering the goal of total alienation. Unlike cases of child abuse where time away from the abuser sometimes helps in repairing a damaged relationship, in MAS time away from the mother furthers the goal of alienation. The usual healing properties of time are lost when it is used as the primary weapon to inflict injury on the mother by alienating the child." A parent willing to falsely accuse the mother of domestic violence would be willing to poison a child against her. Add to this the problem that a judge willing to "err on the side of caution" by entering a DV restraining order based on a dubious false allegation would probably not be willing to do what was necessary to prevent the development of MAS. MAS is heart-wrenching and, tragically, common. If the system could be reformed so that only real victims obtained restraining orders, I predict that the number of MAS cases would be greatly reduced. Let's try to get there.